Self-confidence is a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities and judgement. – Oxford Dictionary
Why kid’s self-confidence matters?
Kids who have healthy self-esteem or confidence tend to:
- feel valued and accepted
- believe that they can do what’s expected
- be proud of a job well done
- think good things about themselves
- feel prepared for everyday challenges
Kids with low self-esteem or confidence often:
- feel self-critical and are hard on themselves
- feel insecure, or not as good as other kids
- focus on the times they fail rather than the times they succeed
- lack confidence
- doubt their ability to do well at things
Role of Parents in Building Their Kid’s Self-Confidence
At an early stage, we need to build our children’s self-esteem and help them feel good about themselves because this will set them up for success later on in their life.
Children start to learn about themselves from the moment they were born. At age 2, they start learning about their self-worth from the perspective of other people. Like a sponge, they can easily absorb the words from their surroundings. That is why as parents, we need to be very careful with our words because words can make or break our children. But to be honest, there were also times that I went home very tired from work and lost my control. I raised my voice and said words that I didn’t mean but had really hurt my kids. So awful!
One Sunday, during the Father’s Day Celebration in our church in Cathedral of Praise, Pastor Sumrall taught us about our role as parents in the development of our children’s self-confidence. There are six (6) things that our kids must hear from us constantly that can help build their self-confidence.
#1. You belong to me
Our children needs to hear that they belong to us and that we are proud and happy to be their parents. They need to know that no matter what they do, they belong to us. The sense of belonging helps our children build a strong foundation of self growth and development.
”While he was still speaking, a bright cloud covered them, and a voice from the cloud said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!” – Matthew 17:5
#2. You are loved
I love to tell my kids, “I love you” often. It makes them feel secured, important and it takes their fear away. “I love you “ empowers our children because they know that no matter what, we will always love them.
“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.” – John 15:9
But action speaks louder than words. So it is not enough just to tell our kids that we love them, we should show them how much we love them. We should cuddle and kiss our children whenever and wherever. Hug and kiss them. Let us make sure that they feel loved so that they will know how to love others because they see us doing it to them.
#3. I am pleased with you
In every good thing that my kids are doing, I see to it that they are always complimented. I give them a “Good Job, Ate Belle or Good Job, Bonbon” compliment with a high-five gesture. My kids love it! So they keep on doing good things because they want to hear me say “Good Job” or ” Very Good”. They love making me proud and happy because of them. But of course, if they do naughty things, they know that their actions will also have consequences.
“As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” – Matthew 3:16-17
#4. I trust you
Our kids need to know that we trust them. They need our encouragement and belief that they can do it! To show my kids that I trust them, I am entrusting things to them as they grow.
For example, our daughter, Belle, who is 5 years old helps me in making our bed, sweeping, washing our clothes, putting up their toys, washing the dishes and cooking our food. I am involving her also in some of the small jobs in my business like counting the coins and putting the items inside the wrapper or plastic. My son, Bonbon, who is 3 years old, is in charge of switching off the little night-light and he is very good in taking the shell out of their boiled eggs. He is also helping in putting up their toys.
I am giving them tasks, little by little as they grow and they like it. They feel so accomplished and able every time they finished a task.Although, I don’t expect them to do these tasks perfectly but the thought of doing these by themselves builds their self-confidence.
“Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist.” – John 13:3-4
#5. I am listening
Our children want to be listened to. They feel valuable and important. They want to know that I am interested to what they have to say. Sometimes, I get distracted from listening to them because of my cell phone or some other things that I am busy with but they are so assertive to tell me, “ Mama, I am talking to you.” It is so nice to listen to them because from their own words, I get to know them more. I get to know their strengths and weaknesses, their fears, likes and dislikes, areas they need help and encouragement and the things that are going on in their life.
“A voice came from the cloud, saying, “This is my Son, whom I have chosen; listen to him.”– Luke 9:35
#6. I want to teach you
We are our children’s first teachers who will teach and show them everything we know in life so that when we are gone, they know how to do things by themselves. God has given us the calling of training our children and pointing them to Him. I know that someday, our children will be far, far , far better than what we are today.
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”– Proverbs 22:6
I know that all of us are good parents who love our kids and want them to succeed in life. But if you have not yet started developing your children’s self confidence, that is ok, you can start today. Spend quality time with your kids . Always remember that love and discipline are the guiding forces of great parenting and God is the greatest model of all time when it comes to great parenting.
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